As You did warn me Carpenter, this world has weakened my heart

I am tired. I love my life, my friends, my church, my God. But what is it about this life that drains me? I'm not trying to be emo, but every once in a while I find myself wanting so much more. So much more out of myself.

I am not the man I want to be, and certainly not the man God wants me to be . I want my heart to be excited about everything I do, and to chase after every opportunity passionately. However, usually I end up just wanting a day to be over rather than looking forward to accomplishing more. Again, not that I think life sucks or anything, just that the drive I want isn't there.

I love everything I am involved with and I do it all with the best of my current ability (...let's not include school here). But the more I look at it and see all the things I busy myself with for God, I do almost none of it for God. I have busied myself so much with serving, that I have lost sight of my master. I need to make God my focus rather than these arduous tasks. I've always been so independant, trying to do everything I can when I need to be letting God show me how insignificant I am. He doesn't need me...I need Him!

"By me You were abandoned, by me You were betrayed,
Yet in Your arms and in Your heart forever I have stayed."

Showbread - Matthias Replaces Judas